


The Trip Tucker Songbook: Songs in the Key of III

by HouseOfTucker_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen, Humor, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29339853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseOfTucker_Archivist/pseuds/HouseOfTucker_Archivist
Summary: Parodies of ABBA, the Bee Gees, Texas, Elton John, and The Sound of Music.





	1. Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Trip After Midnight) as performed by T'Pol

Half past twelve  
And I'm working the night shift on the bridge all alone  
How I hate to spend the duty on my own

Warp lights speeding  
Right there on the viewscreen as I look around the room  
And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom

There's just one soul out there  
Logic can't stop my prayer...

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme a Trip after midnight  
Won't he come and help me chase my pressure away  
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme a Trip after midnight  
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

Malcolm Reed  
And his accent to beg for, oh he's making me high  
But I think he loves a certain MACO guy

Engineering  
Holds all that I long for and I dig his overall  
I will so get underneath it after all

He'll soon be mine, oh yeah  
Trellium can't fake my prayer.... 

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme a Trip after midnight  
Won't he come and let me rip his skivvies away  
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme a Trip after midnight  
Take me through my Pon Farr every night, every day


	2. Stayin' Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two versions, one by bandybones and one by evay.

### "Stayin' Alive," by bandybones

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,   
I'm a kick-ass man,  
no time to talk.  
Starships loud and warp cores warm,   
I've been an engineer  
since I was born.  
And now it's all right; it's OK.   
And you'd better look the other way.  
You can try to understand   
the Xindis' effect on this southern man.  


Whether you're for vengeance or whether you're just plain pissed,   
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Feel the cannon's firin' and I'm not even tirin'  
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  


Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive. Stayin' alive.   
Ah, ha, ha, ha stayin' aliiiiiiive!   


Well now, I drink my milk and I eat my pie,   
and if I can't get either  
I might just cry.  
I used to smile, but that's the past.   
And I don't know   
how long I'll last.  


You know, it's all right; it's OK.   
I'll live to see another day.  
You can try to understand   
the Xindis' effect on this southern man.  


Whether you're for vengeance or whether you're just plain pissed,   
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  
Feel the cannon's firin' and I'm not even tirin'  
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.  


Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive. Stayin' alive.   
Ah, ha, ha, ha stayin' aliiiiiiive!   


I'm goin' crazy. Somebody help me.   
Somebody help me, yeah.  
I'm goin' crazy. Somebody help me.   
Somebody help me, yeah. 

### "Enterprise," by evay 

Well, you can tell by the way we use our genes  
We're the Suliban: time-travelin' schemes  
Feet are fast but brains are slow  
We've been kicked around since "Broken Bow"

And now it's all right, it's okay,  
While you look the other way  
We will cloak our faces green  
And disappear into bluescreen

Whether you're a 'Fleeter or whether you're a Praetor  
You're on _Enterprise, Enterprise_  
Feel the warp-field breakin' and Engineerin's shakin',  
You're on _Enterprise, Enterprise_  
Ah, ha, ha ha ha, _Enterprise, Enterprise_  
Ah, ha, ha ha ha, _Enterpriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise..._

Well now, Silik's dead and Future Guy,  
He won't talk to us -- we all wonder why  
Got ugly jumpsuits, we could cope,  
But then "Queer Eye" told us there's no hope

You know it's all right, it's all in fun  
We'll guest-star on _SG-1_  
Latex makes us all new men  
So we'll be back to vamp again

Whether you're Orion or whether you're ship-flyin'  
You're on _Enterprise, Enterprise_  
Feel the fans a'retchin' and continuity stretchin'  
You're on _Enterprise, Enterprise_  
Ah, ha, ha ha ha, _Enterprise, Enterprise_  
Ah, ha, ha ha ha, _Enterpriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise.._.  



	3. Enterprise Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> with apologies to Elton John.

_::cue muppet-like organ::_

I remember back in Season One  
Our Trip Tucker had so much fun  
Frozen, burning, snotted, beaten up  
Now he's saddled with a princess with a mouth like carp

But the biggest kick we ever got  
Was doing a thang called the _Enterprise_ rock  
While some other series have got socked  
We are bitchin' and cheerin' to the _Enterprise_ rock, well

 _Enterprise_ -rockin, decon will shock you  
When the cast just can't stay dressed  
As long as Trip is one of the strippers   
Then we will not be distressed!

Oh! Lordy Mama! Those Wednesday nights  
When Tucker wears his bluesies tight, and  
_Enterprise_ -rockin is ou-ou-out of si-i-i-ight

 _LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_ -lalalalalaaaaaaaaa  
Lalalalalaaaaaaaaa  
Lalalalalaaaaaaaaa

As the eps go by, there are lots of sighs  
Travis went and left us for a show with lines  
Long nights chattin' on the BBS  
Dreamin' 'bout a plot arc with the Tucker clan -- YES!

But that's never killed the thrills we got  
Comin' up with Trip-centric plots  
Postin' fast 'cos the threads don't last  
We sail lotsa ships as long as Trip's on the mast, well

 _Enterprise_ -rockin, decon will shock you  
When the cast just can't stay dressed  
As long as Trip is one of the strippers   
Then we will not be distressed!

Oh! Lordy Mama! Those Wednesday nights  
When Tucker wears his bluesies tight, and  
_Enterprise_ -rockin is ou-ou-out of si-i-i-ight

 _LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_ -lalalalalaaaaaaaaa  
Lalalalalaaaaaaaaa  
Lalalalalaaaaaaaaa...


	4. The Sound of Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE HILLS ARE ALIIIIIIIIVE with five song parodies!

### The Sound of Tucker

words by J. Archer  
(Heaven HELP you if you picture him twirling onto the bridge!)

My ship is alive with the sound of Tucker  
That voice that has rung since he came on board  
Oh, Trip fills the ship with that honeyed accent  
The crew listens to their engineer adored

The ship seems to echo with the voice I first heard  
At the Starfleet Academy  
Trip flirts with the sweetness of pecan pie  
I go weak in the knee

He laughs like a brook when it trips and falls  
'cept once when he got cranky  
On a warm, Southern night  
He called me a stubborn Yankee

I go to see Trip when polo isn't helping  
I know I will hear that familiar drawl  
My heart will be blessed  
With the sound of Tucker  
And I'll lead once more

### Ensign Going On J.G.

TRIP:  
You wait little girl on an empty bridge  
For the UT to make language  
Your life little girl is an empty fridge  
That men won't want to forage

HOSHI:  
To forage...

TRIP:  
You are an Ensign going on J.G., baby it's time to grow  
Better transport, use phasers, in short, get rid of your fears Sato  
You are an Ensign going on J.G., fellows will fall in line  
Suliban lads, Andorian cads  
Will offer their alien wine

Totally unprepared are you, to give a slug a home  
Timid and shy and scared are you, on ships of the dead to roam  
You need someone older and wiser, someone in underwear  
I'm a Commander going on Captain, of you I'll take care

HOSHI:  
I am an Ensign going on J.G., I ain't no xenophobe  
Fellows on Risa tell me I'm nice-a, and willingly I disrobe  
I am an Ensign going on J.G., innocent as a rose  
Bachelors Klingon want to put rings on, what do I know of those?

Totally unprepared am I, to give a slug a home  
Timid and shy and scared am I, on ships of the dead to roam  
I need someone older and wiser, someone in undies blue  
You're a Commander going on Captain, I'll depend on you

### Lonely Cap'n

Off in his quarters was a lonely Cap'n,  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo_  
Loud was the voice of the lonely Cap'n,  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo_  
Phlox in the sickbay quite remote heard  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo_  
Lusty and clear from the Cap'n's throat heard  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo...  
O ho lay dee odl lee o, o ho lay dee odl ay  
O ho lay dee odl lee o, lay dee odl lee o lay_

T'Pol on the bridge as she made a note heard  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo_  
Hoshi turning on the Com to gloat heard  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo_  
Chef in the midst of his table d' hote heard  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo_  
Travis in the sweet spot all afloat heard  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo  
O ho lay dee odl lee o, o ho lay dee odl ay  
O ho lay dee odl lee o, lay dee odl lee o lay_

Our engineer with the wild oat heard  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo_  
He yodeled back to the lonely Cap'n,  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo_  
Soon the whole crew Trip's ecstatic quote heard  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo!!_  
What a duet for our Trip and Cap'n!  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo_

_Hm hmmmm hm hmm-mmm  
Odl lay ee (odl lay ee)  
Odl lay hee hee (odl lay hee hee)  
Ho ho, lady odlee ho, ho ho lady odl lay  
Ho ho lady odl lee ho, lady odl lee ho la_

The charming engineer who just loved to dote heard,  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hoo hoo_  
He yodeled back to his friend the Cap'n,  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo_  
Soon Enterprise knew of Trip's man preferred  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hmm!! hmm!!_  
What a duet for our Trip and Cap'n!  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo_

Happy are they _lay dee olay dee lee o . . .  
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hoo hoo_  
When Malcom arrives it'll be a trio  
_Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo_

_Odl lay hee....odl lay hee...odl lay hee hee  
Odl lay ee, old lay ee  
Odl lay hee hee, odl lay ee  
Odl lay odl lay, odl lay odl lee, odl lay odl lee  
Odl lay odl lay odl lay  
HOO!_

### (How Do You Solve a Problem Like) Trip Tucker?

_(May the Lord have mercy on you if you picture them all in nun's habits!)  
_  
_Reed:_ He dents the hull and thinks I'm dull; he's always one to swear  
_T'Pol:_ In trouble when you least expect and oh the shirts he wears!  
_Reed:_ And tho it's different weekly, he has highlights in his hair  
_Phlox:_ I've even seen him crying at the mooooovies.  
_Travis:_ He's always in her email  
_T'Pol:_ But his penitence was real  
_Reed:_ He's always late for everything!  
_Phlox:_ Except for every meal  
_Reed:_ I hate to have to say it, but I very firmly feel  
_Soval:_ Trip Tucker's not an asset to the Starfleet  
_Hoshi:_ I'd like to say a word in his behalf  
_(ARCHER:_ Then say it Ensign Hoshi Sato)  
_Hoshi:_ Trip Tucker * makes * me laugh!  
  
_ARCHER:_ How do you solve a problem like Trip Tucker?  
If all you want to do is pinch his bum?  
_Hoshi:_ How do you find the word that means Trip Tucker?  
_Phlox:_ A flibberti-licious,  
_T'Pol:_ callipygian,  
_Reed:_ yum!  
  
_ARCHER:_ Admit it Reed, you know you'd like to spank him  
Maybe the Vulcan wants to lend a hand?  
_Reed:_ How else do you make him stay and listen to all you say  
_ARCHER:_ How can I break the fraternizing rule?  
_Hoshi:_ How do you solve a problem like Trip Tucker?  
_ARCHER:_ How can we save ourselves from all this drool?  
  
_T'Pol:_ When I'm with him I'm confused, out of focus and bemused,  
and I never know exactly where I am...  
_Forrest:_ Unpredictable as weather  
_Phlox:_ He is flighty as a feather  
_V'Lar:_ He's a darling  
_Ferengi:_ He's a demon  
_Liana:_ He's a lamb  
_T'Pol:_ He'd out pester any pest; drive a horta from its nest  
_Shran:_ He sure threw a whirling wrench into our plan  
_Cutler:_ He is gentle; He is wild  
_Natalie:_ He's a riddle; He's a child  
_Reed:_ He's a headache  
_Ah'Len:_ He's an angel  
_ARCHER:_ He's my man...  
  
_ALL:_ How do solve a problem like Trip Tucker?  
Another decon and we'll all succumb!  
How do you find the word that means Trip Tucker?  
_Phlox:_ A-nose-like-a-ski-jump,  
_Hoshi & T'Pol:_ blueunderwearing,  
_Reed:_ yum!!  
  
_ALL:_ He's always the first to leave the ship for missions  
Engineering he ought to understand  
_ARCHER:_ But how can I make him stay?  
_Reed:_ And listen to all you say?  
_Princess:_ How do I keep him sitting on my hand?  
_ALL:_ Oh how do you solve a problem like Trip Tucker?  
Better make sure he somehow takes command! ( _Archer:_ Hey!)

### My Favorite Things

Sweet Hoshi Sato and all her neuroses  
Too-cheerful Phlox and his happy prognoses  
My buddy Travis patiently waiting  
These are a few of my favorite things

Swimming with Malcom and Rocky Road ice cream  
How he says "Stinky" when he has that weird dream  
Getting chewed out for a shuttlepod ding  
These are a few of my favorite things

T'Pol in that white suit and painful neck pinches  
Reading her email and causing her flinches  
The look on Jon's face when I said "It's a fling"  
These are a few of my favorite things

A purring warp engine and Jon with his shirt off  
Suggestive remarks and the way they make him cough  
A blue cotton package -- makes my heart sing  
These are a few of my favorite things

_chorus:  
_ When Silik bites  
When Soval stings  
When I'm feeling sad  
I simply remember my favorite things  
And then I don't feel so bad 


End file.
